So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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