I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
