i already hear my dad disowning me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
