I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
