my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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