apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
