whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
