Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
