Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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