Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
