I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
