So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
