i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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