no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
These tits shall not be calmed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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