you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
