the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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