he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
