Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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