I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
