She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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