I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
