This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
