i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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