I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
