Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
