I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
