They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
