i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
