So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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