i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I fill condoms, not promises.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
