I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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