You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm both gender and math confused
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
