i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
