mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
