I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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