ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
