This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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