I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
