doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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