your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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