he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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