bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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