i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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