She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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