I cut my penus on the lid.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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