Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
