Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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