I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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