hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
