He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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