what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
