apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
