all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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